You Let Me Down, I Let You Down.

The greatest thing I ever wrote was this:

"Grow grow grow,

In the summer sun.

Earn your joy,

And steal your fun."

Okay, so maybe "greatest" is an overstatement, but the old Joel who wrote it was onto something.

****

I'm tired of disappointing people, and I'm tired of being disappointed by them. I want to find someone who thinks I'm so damn amazing that I don't need to be anyone else. And I'll find them so amazing that disappointing me is impossible. And we'll go bowling, because I hate bowling. And it won't matter.

I'm so sick of people. I'm so sick of you, who ever you are. I'm so sick of letting you down, I'm so sick of hurting you, I'm so sick of the pain I cause you. And I'm sick of the way you let me down. I'm sick of the way you hurt me. I'm sick of the pain you cause me.

I'm so disappointed, I'm so disappointing.

Let me be alone.

****

I can't dance very well. I have rhythm. But I move awkwardly, not out of time, just in the wrong place. I'm not a dancer. I'm more of a painter, a writer, a sculptor.

No has ever,

wanted me to stay,

No one has ever,

wanted to help me,

shape my clay.

They all want to dance,

they all want to...

...Shudder... Romance.

I don't want it that way,

But any day,

Oh any day,

I'd have someone help me sculpt my clay.

****

Oh gentle reader,

Oh fiery feeder.

I'm sorry you are you,

And I'm me.

I know its not,

How you want it to be.

I'm sorry I'm not,

A big man,

A strong man,

A brave man,

A bold man.

I'm sorry I can't

Help you.

Or,

save you.

Or,

Free you,

Or,

Make you,

anew,

A better you.

A true self. To stand on a mountain,

For all time,

Till the end,

Of the rhyme,

Till the end,

Of this silly mockery.

Imagine a being,

Of this perfect beauty.

Imagine seeing.

So perfect a form,

With garish clothing,

Unadorned,

Naked before the fire that will end all things.

The true power. True knowing.

And after the last great swallow...

Only to sit and think. To pour thought after thought into the void.

To unravel the knot. To solve the unsolvable problem.

And say,

"Yes."

And smile.