I'm Laughing Inside That You Took That Seriously

SCARECROW: Have no brain!

TIN WOODSMEN: I have no heart!

SCARECROW: Neither do I. Who gives a crap about that?

This actually happens in the book with different words.

Sure I'll kiss you in the rain. But I'll be wearing a bright yellow and distinctly unromantic poncho. I dislike being wet. And everyone will laugh at YOU.

-Me.

Things that girls have taken seriously that I said to them:

"Call a doctor, because you stole my heart"

I mean that doesn't even make sense!

"If you buy me cola today, I'll love you forever"

Because forever is the amount of time it takes to open a bottle of cola.

"I am so smart that they hooked me up to a smartness improver machine and it broke"

I'm not proud of that moment...

"I could tell you liked me by the way you put eyeshadow on in two layers today"

Turns out I was right. Twice.

"This thing on my swiss army knife can hypnotize you"

Beware my powers!

"You look especially lovely today"

She didn't. She had money.

"I'm joking. I'm not scared of you, you are very nice"

Crap crap crap crap get me out of here, could I get through that window?

"I'm very fond of you"

Replace the word "you" with "your wallet". Only girls have purses not wallets... Whatever!

"Absolutely"

The question was "Am I your favorite?"

"You look like the personification of beauty herself"

She actually looked like a girl in an expensive dress.

Not all men are arrogant pigs. Just like not all girls are manipulative bitches.

Just Most of them.