The Things I Coulda Been Were I Different in Certain Respects

"You're so adorable I just want to eat you, bones and skin and hair and everything."

I could have been a hero, if I had a cape and song,
I coulda been the savior of people of every colour and kind,
If I only I had courage and strength, and a selfless mind.

I could have been an angel, If I had wings and a dress,
I coulda been part of the main chorus in the heavenly host,
If I only were a messenger of God, the thing we value the most.

I could have been a genius, If I had glassess and a wig,
I coulda been part of that smart-folk-type crew,
if only there were a thousand more things that I knew.

I could have been woman, If I only had a pretty dress,
I coulda been a lady of grace, fineness, and wonderful splendour,
if only I were possessed of all the features of the other gender.

I could have been a lazy family cat, If I had a mouse and scratching post.
I coulda been a silky smooth night-friend with a coat slickly worn
If only I had the prescience of mind to have myself, as one, born.

I could have been a really nice person, if I had a smile, a laugh and a wave.
I coulda been the coolest person you'll ever soon meet,
If only I were not a skunk and a thief of what is most sweet.

I could have been great, If I had a t-shirt that said so.
I coulda been real great.
If I only were.

For you see,
The thing that makes a person good,
Brave and kind and smart as they should,
Is not me.