Queensland And Swearing.

I went to Queensland for a little while (It was great, I saw turtles) and as my service provider is the ever tiresome Vodafone, I had no reception or mobile internet access, which is why I haven't posted in a few days.

We stayed with my Dad's old friend, Scott.

It was quite nice there, though the company of a certain person who demanded that I believe in aliens, agree with him that "The x-files is all based on true stories", read magazine articles about how the government is trying to control our minds with the water supply, admit that my computer is full of toxic chemicals/is destroying my mind, sit very quietly and attentively while he berated me about the failings of my generation, and various other outrageously annoying and unbelievable things, none of which I did, got me down a little.

It would be hypocritical of me to claim that all people who are a certain number of years older than me are judgemental, rude, technologically illiterate, and prejudiced against anything they do not immediately understand. It also wouldn't be true. That's why I'm not saying it. However I am saying that I felt justifiably pissed off that someone would think I am stupid, ignorant, lazy, weak, etc simply because, as he stated, I am not as old as he is. And that is all I have to say about it.

Now I'm going to talk to you about swearing.

In one of my favorite Terry Pratchett novels, Reaper Man, Death (The Grim Reaper) is sacked. This causes many interesting problems for ordinary people, involving there now being too much life-force that isn't being drained away, and things that wouldn't usually be alive, are. In particular, one of the characters (The wizard Mustrum Ridcully) begins swearing, and the swears come to life, turning into little insectoid creatures that buzz around the air and cause a great deal of amusement. Mustrum swears at the annoying Swearword-Creatures which only causes even more of them to spawn from his speech! In the end, he is forced to say other words such as "Poot!" and, "Dang!" in an attempt to relive his feelings, completely ineffectually.

The reason why Mustrum Ridcully couldn't just say 'Poot!' and 'Dang!' instead of 'Sh*t!' and 'D*mn!" is because of the very unusual property that inhabits swear words. You see, swear words aren't just ordinary words, like 'fridge' or 'run', but pure expression of emotion in speech.

Put a willing test subject in a brain scanning machine, like they have in documentaries and films, and watch parts of his brain work on a computer monitor while he speaks to you. Those are the language parts of the brain, get a tumor there and if you recover, you'll need to learn to speak again.

Now make him punch a punching bag, instructing him to "Pretend the bag is something you hate"as he angrily lays into the bag, a different part of his brain lights up, the emotional centre.

Now instruct him to not punch the bag, but swear at it. The same emotional centres of his brain light up, he is not just speaking, he is attacking verbally.

Swearing is not a lack of creativity in speech. If you are making dinner and you smash a plate, you don't stand there calmly and creatively describe what just happened, and then clean up the mess. Why would you do that? You know exactly what happened: YOU SMASHED A PLATE! You don't need to confirm to anyone exactly what it looked like, the hopeless glide of the porcelain as it fell through the empty air, the delicate tinkling sound it first made on contact with the sterile tile floor, which evolved quickly into a crash that fills your ears as it scatters into a hundred irregularly jagged pieces.

No. You say the 'F' word under your breath. And then you feel a little better, and go get a broom. You don't need to swear. In fact, relieving you tension in any angry way subconsciously reenforces that angry feeling. It is better to maintain a calm composure and deal with your frustration by thinking about something nice, like how nice the dinner your are making smells, to teach yourself not to be an angry person.

But it just feels so good. And anyway, it's hardly going to damage you in any way beyond that. I think swearing is great: The place where language meets emotion. So power on humanity, express yourself in whatever way that you feel comfortable with, provided your mother isn't in the room.