Yeah. That One Was Pretty Good.

So basically, the year is over. I did a lot of things this year. I did a lot of new things this year. I made new friends, none of whom I regret becoming friends with. We are defined perhaps even more by the bad things that happen to us than the good. If I could have lived this year again, the only thing I would change is the amount of guitar practice that I did. Because I didn't do enough.

I never really do anything for new years. Three years ago, I didn't even know it was new years eve, and was disappointed that the christmas tree had to be put away when I woke up. The year before last, my whole family just went to bed before 10:00 and I stayed up very quietly and watched the Tv. I saw the fireworks in sydney last year in the street with many other people, and got caught in a little bit of a police riot, but that's a story for another time.

My goal this year was to have as much fun as is humanly possible. And I achieved that with a success that I certainly could have imagined, but was none the less very unexpected.

This year has made me tired. He future is about as clear as mud to me, and it always has been. Though I remember being a year eleven meeting the year twelves, and thinking they were bigger and stronger and smarter and more interesting than me. I know that few enough people think about other people the way I do about them, but seeing as the tables are now turned I think it is likely that the year elevens may feel a similar way.

I want many things, some because I'm being rational, and some because I'm not. I think my new years goal is... well, I still want to have fun, and I'm not going to detract from the fun in anyway, but now I'll have more educated selective fun, instead of last year, where I just ran around and marveled at all the things I was able to do now with great big wide eyes, now that the black iron bars had been and gone.

So as I said to Adrian tonight, I shall:

"Be not the moth, but the flame." I'll not goggle at the amazing sights this year, but only be an amazing sight to be goggled at. And that is just as fun. Just a different type of fun.

I like to say I'm sorry for the bad things that I do all the time. And I am, but tonight I shall apologize to no one. Buried in all the self loathing that is the Joel you all know and might like a bit, is a tiny spark of pride for the things I've achieved this year. I'm proud of my dumb little blog, and I'm proud of my stupid paintings, and I'm proud of the development of my annoying, pretentious character.

I've done some good things, and hurt only very few people. They deserved it in my opinion. Except for Matt "Esophagus" Shannon. I feel a bit bad about that... Ah well. I'll cut that out this next year.

I'm not a shining example of Christianity, no, but I know some people who think they are, and I know I'm better than them. So screw it.

I would wish you a good year, but it will be good or bad whether I wish it so or not. So, all I'll say is good luck, remember whatever it is that you need to remember, and do whatever it is you need to do. Everybody has got to do something.