What's your star sign?

My horoscope always says I was born under the sign of Mars, the God of Battle. Accordingly, I am a courageous individual, more interested in finding out things personally rather than reading about them in books. Apparently I am always ready for the outdoors, adventure and challenge.

I think that now I don't have school, I'm going to get a night job so I never have to go outside during the day ever again. Also, my library is getting there in terms of respectability, though I have neglected it recently, as it is much cheaper to download books and read them on my laptop. I've developed a new fear: Being struck by lightning. After the last thunderstorm that scared the bejesus out of me, it has officially made the list of things I hate/fear. Which, for your entertainment is now thus:

1. Horses.
2. Myself.
3. Chimps.
4. Lobsters.
5. Being struck by lightning.
6. Misc grievous bodily harm.*
7. Misc horrible imaginary monsters.*
8. Hospitals.
9. Guns, and the potential of strangers to have them.
10. Many, many, MANY more. So many.

*The miscellaneous ones refer to, usually, the dreams I have lately been having. Thus they fluctuate. 


God I hate horoscope bullshit. Almost as much as I hate horses. GOD I hate horses.

My Place.

I am not your father,
I am not your brother,
I am not your son,
I am not your friend,
I am not your lover,
I am not your keeper.

I am not the man at the door,
I am not the woman in the tower,
I am nothing,
And my place in a story,
Is nowhere.

And soon, you will forget me.

Like a baby forgets as it grows, being born.

A quote from the Man in The Corner.

"People are mean,
But they can be okay,

they call me a hard bastard, 

Because at the end of working, 

All I want is a drink."

- The Man in the Corner. 

Astronaut

What do you want, 

And how do you want it?
What do you need?
And how can I give it?

Take what you want from me, 

I'm bleeding all my care, 

Suck all the love from me, 

It doesn't matter if it's fair.

But I see you in colours bold and bright,

I see your face, every day, and every night, 

I know your flesh, mirrored in my mind, 

I seek, and within, I always do find. 

What is a life devoid of all mistake and error?

What need would a perfect face have for a mirror? 

I don't mind if you hurt me, don't you understand?

I have been hurt before,

It's all this damn waiting that I just can't stand. 

It only makes me sore. 

BLAH BLAH BLAH ASTRONAUT. 

An Ocean of Care That Flows Away.

I know your agony whenever I see you,
You fear to speak for you will be mocked.
You fear to defend yourself, lest you be branded.
You fear, and you suffer, and you bleed.
And none care.

None see you, you, too well trained to cry.
You sweat and strain and try to be strong.
Your body aches for working so long.
You live with this silently,
You live with your pain.

And all the care in the world, it flows away from you like a great ocean.
But I give you, from all the world of care denied, this drop that is mine.

Paper Man

The real people,
Who have a real use,
The genuine folk,
And the creatures of substance.

They salt the earth,
And build whole lives,
And whose own flesh,
Lives and breaths and bakes and dries,

Soft reds and rich browns,
with the clay of their bodies,
They hold each other,
And they know each other

They walk around me,
their full true smiles
Burn me, scorn me
A man made of hollow tin cans,

Paper I am, like a sheet
thin as chalk on road
My skill is in lies,
My love is in the unreal,

A riddle not worth solving,
And a life not worth feeding
A man not worth hearing,
A boy not worth his clothes

Not an animal, for even they,
know to hunt, hide or run.
Even they seek, and fear,
Even they feel hunger and hate pain.

I am but a page,
torn from a lost book,
that no one read,
tossed in the breeze.

What woman loves such a thing?
What friend loves such a thing?
What sun gifts life to such a thing?
And how could such a thing ever love itself?

You command me to live,
You command me to die,
You command me to work, rest.
But I reject that possibility.

For it is not one.

Haunted By a Zeitgeist

I am plagued by a time, feeling and place,
I respond to it with an expressionless face.
Because I know not what any of them are,
whether they were sweet, sad, near or far. 

I am haunted by a Zeitgeist,
By the spirit of an age,
And I know by holy christ,
I am on the wrong page.

I stalk prey like a hunter, through blonde grass fields,
knowing not what my quarry is, or what it could yield,
I seek it like a mad man seeks to steal the moon,
You ask him "Why?" what point is that for a loon?

"The Moon! The Moon! I must have have it!" he cries,
His mind, too lost to answer the "For what's? and whys?"

But we all know.
But we all know.
Buried deep inside.
Well do that we know,
The friends behind your eyes.
For who else will remember, young man.

Hubris: Awesome until you get chained to a rock.

The belief you are greater than God is hubris.

Depending on what your opinion of God is, it requires a certain suspension of reality to believe you are greater than (a) God. If you are speaking of the only God I know, and the definition of whom I shall soon share, I would say being greater than him is one of the very few things in this universe that is completely impossible.

God to me possesses apart from countless others, these key characteristics:

Omnipotence: Power over all that has or will exists. Nothing is beyond God's change.

Omniscience: Knowledge of all that has or will exist. Nothing is beyond the knowing of God.

Omnipresence: To be in all places and times at once. There is no place God is not.

Omnibenevolence: To be completely good. All that God does or every will is 'Good' morally, whatever that means. This last is a not held to be true by many people who nonetheless believe that all the pervious are true of God, explaining why a God that can do, knows, and is everywhere would allow apparently bad things to occur. In fact spell check sees only it among these words as an error. I assure you it is a word.

I think you will agree, it is fairly impossible for any human being to have these qualities, and to believe he or she possesses all these qualities is quite mad. But, to some the word 'God' has a different meaning.

For example, the norse God Thor (for whom our day Thursday is named) Is certainly lacking all these qualities. The Nordic peoples believed that he was very powerful but could not do certain things, that he knew only a very large number of things, that he was only ever in one place at any one time, and that he sometimes performed actions that were 'Bad'.

Clearly limited, but undoubtably powerful, Thor had power over storms, particularly thunder (for which he is named) and lightening. I speak in past tense, but there are some people who still believe that the God Thor exists. He doesn't. Never did. People are dumb.

 Any-who, back on topic, to believe you are greater in any of these aspects than Thor would be did he exist, requires only a ridiculously huge suspension of belief in yourself, rather than an impossibly large one. But if Thor is a God, what of weaker beings, like Loki, also of the Norse pantheon of Gods, or some other weaker but powerful being. Still Gods to us, yes indeed.

But depending on who thinks what is God, almost anything has potential for Good-hood. To a garden-worm, am I not a God? I can take or spare its life with ease, it can cause me at most, on its own or accompanied, irritation.

Believing you are greater than me is quite easy to do, in fact at some times it is both practical and realistic. But only if you also think I am a God over worms could this possibly be considered hubris.

Hubris is then a relative action, but pomposity and over-evaluation of self are still damn annoying. You won't get chained to a rock for thinking you're better than me, but then, I am a pretty rubbish God. If a worm somehow thought it was better than me, I wouldn't punish it. I'd probably clap for it. I didn't even know they could think.



 ... Just a thought I had.

Be...

I am a hugely complex chemical reaction with only a sense of free will, that takes up only the smallest amount of space possible, constantly afraid of it's own mortality.

I am a spiritually and physically immortal section of the desire for the most powerful being in the universe to be not alone in eternity.

I am an animal, one of many, with desires to survive and live on this or potentially other planets in this known universe and in this way able to live an indefinitely long time, provided my species procreates.


All of these things I am.